The Sweetness- His Delight One

tons of candies! tons of sweetness ^^

I stay up late again tonight, well, this is not my first night anyway since I've already stayed up late for 5 years, but yes, it's gonna be the first on my 23rd. Saengil chukkahamnida to myself. :)

Now, one by one of my entire life is reviewing on my mind. I always celebrate two birthday every year, my born-day and my reborn day. Both are important for me. Actually, right now, my heart beats so fast and yes, there's a burden inside of me. My soul presses me to feel sorry about my life, but my spirit presses harder to give thanks for whatever in my life happen for a reason.

I have a reason to feel sorry for myself, oh really, I did! But I have many reasons to give thanks to the Lord for such a wonderful life. Being honest, I'm crying loudly but silently while writing it. It's like something press on my heart, it's so hard, I can't even resist it. Few days ago, the burden inside of me burst horribly. I was totally alone, nobody, even my closest someone knew what was lied on my heart. Nobody I can lean on to. Nobody. even God was keep on silence. 

Saat ku hancur hati

kudatang padaMu

Kau beri kekuatan dan bri penghiburan

saat tak seorang pun dapat kuandalkan

Kau yang memberi jalan

Kau yang menuntunku

saatku tak mengerti alam hidup ini

namun FirmanMu selalau menerangiku

Engkau yang buatku kuat lewati semua

Engkau pertolonganku, tempat harapanku

Tuhan...

Kupercaya janjiMU dalam hidupku

Kau bri kemenangan

Kau slalu setia di dalam hidupku

Kau berharga bagiku

Kaulah jaminanku dalam hidupku

If You really want us to be together, bless us the way YOU like... Please make us follow Your Path... 

I know You never promised that our journey will be easy ... but one thing I ask You deeply... " Please send YOUR favor upon us. Your Blessing as well. Don't send us to a dessert without Your Presence direct us. Please don't let us walk alone Lord, Don't let us make our own ways away from Your way. All that keep us alive is Your Promises. No matter how hard it is, I know if You're with me everything's gonna be Okay. But please don't send us away from You. I'm so scared to death Lord. That's why I'm crying upon Your Throne. 

Every years, I have my own processes. From the first year of my journey, it wasn't easy... every tears ran down very night because I wanna be with You and my parents said no. The second years, even harder, my school turned out to be a threatening place. The third and the fourth, I found myself inside of Your cleaning program from the Earthen thought to a heavenly thought. fifth... sixth... seventh... till final. 

So many threat all over my life. I don't know what to do Lord... please don't leave me... don't ever let me go even if I asked to go... please don't stop even I want to stop. Please... don't ever stop in any point of my life Lord. -.-)

I was pitying my life. Once I thought why should I was born on a family where my father and mother has a different belief. I really wanna be on the church with them, Really I do, but hey, don't ever look down on it! From that difference I could love Jesus even more. The more someone / something presses me, the more I gain my strength. Once, I felt sorry about that. but now, well, if I was born on a general Christian Family, maybe I'm not that passionate to look for Lord Jesus. Don't get me wrong, it is the era of MOVEMENT so, I believe my family will get the blessing as well. soon in no time, they will be reversed too.

I'm not the have one. But I don't wanna be obsessed with wealth. I know My Lord is the Lord who Provide. Even I'm a spoiled child on some particular characters but I prefer to do all things all by myself, if only i could, than make someone do that for me. is this the ego? well, I like shopping just like a normal women do, but somehow, I prefer to use my own money to do it, if only I have enough. 

I'm no good. Nothing was perfect on my life. But I've learn to be grateful on each day.  My family wasn't perfect, My career and my education wasn't either. Neither my characters nor my spiritual life. I'm learning it one day to another. please forgive me for all my flaws and foibles so this 22 years. I hope this 23rd will be much much better... the sweetness:: according to my baptism name :NAOMI: Noam(sweetness) many things could be happen, the bitterness are there too, but The Lord said that no matter how bitter or sour it was, I'm gonna be and always be the sweetness one, His Delight one.